Monday, April 25, 2011

To be really honest...

Can it really be the end of April already?  Wasn't it just January yesterday?  Its hard to believe that the start of our internship at Central (and the final phase of our training) wasn't just a few weeks ago anymore, and that we're actually nearing the finish line now.  Only 2 months to go.

If I'm going to be perfectly honest, on one hand, the thought of that is almost debilitating.  The fear & anxiety that come with the reality of picking up and moving continents and cultures and languages is pretty much more than I can bear at times.  And if I look at it that way (ie: me handling it), then yes... you may as well take me out of the game and put me on the bench.  Because I can't and won't be able to handle that kind of change on my own strength.
But this is exactly why I'm extra thankful this year, for what Easter is really all about.  The fact that I have a relationship with the Father of the universe.  A Father that loves me deeply.  And a Father that not only wants to give guidance & strength for the journey, but also actually does give guidance & strength for the journey.  What an incredible gift!!  Its been absolutely amazing to see the way God has brought peace whenever I start to feel like I can't possibly do this.  The refocus that has come as I've wrestled through the "why's" and the "how's" and the "what if's."  I love the gentleness He uses when he needs to slowly bring me back to the reassuring call he's put on our lives.  I'm so thankful for the unwavering love of my heavenly Father.

Thankfully, there is another 'hand.' And on that, I can't wait for our journey in Thailand to start.  Last week I just felt true & utter excitement for what lies ahead.  All these months of training and preparing and waiting.  Its all been leading to our life ahead in Thailand and that is exciting.
Of course there are a lot of unknowns (ie: where we'll live, where our language training will be, what team we'll join, etc...).  But as scary as those unknowns can be at times, they're also really exciting at times.  Almost like a fresh start to life.  Something totally and completely new.

Anyway... all this to say that I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately.  Life has brought lots of change over the last few months and there's only more change to come.  And if I'm perfectly honest... the emotions that come with that are very 'wave-like.'  Lots of good days.  Lots of not-so-good days.  Lots of joy.  Lots of grief.  But through it all, I'm just so grateful for the Lord's leading and the fact that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He'll never leave us and will be there every step of the journey.  Just like He has been all along.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:8-10 

2 comments:

Melissa May said...

Ditto. : )

Trish said...

Running the same gamut of emotions here ....... :)